# Adult

When I was a teenager, I always had wanted to become an adult.
Maybe because I wanted to escape the dormitory and cut the dependence
on my parents. I wanted to be free. I read Plato and explored the
world of forms. The beautiful Pleroma.

After I became an adult, I realized that the school was just a
milder version of the outside world. The outside world was not free
at all. The things I had hated were more harshly present. People
still did 9-5. They just worked instead of studying.

People sold music to earn money. People sold their souls. Because
everything costs money. You have to pay a cafe just to sit there.
I guess this is what "Becoming an adult" means. I no more think
that it is necessary. But people live like that.

Thus there were no more teenage loves. Sure. Teenagers often confuse
love and desire. That often leads to a catastrophy. It is immature.
Like "Araby" by James Joyce. But for an adult, there is no more
genuine love to confuse. There is only desire. Though not necessarily
sexual in this case.

I don't want to go back to become a teenager. In retrospect, I was
immature. But I don't want to be an adult. I want to do what I
really had wanted in teenager times. Even if that might lead to an
isolationism.

Maybe tomorrow I might forget and go back to the adult life. So I
explicitly write this. I could write this on my diary, but...